Ever since I sifted through a miscellaneous drawer in my night table, there's been this question I can not seem to shake. Stuck between two pages of a small photo album, I came across an old, photo-booth shot of me and one of my ex- boyfriends. Besides my immediate thought of "geez, I look so much younger there", I was instantly taken right back to the time when the photo was taken- a warm, sunny day at the beach, wanting nothing more than to be in this person's company. With eyes closed, I remembered how enchanting the day was having sand between my toes while walking next to him. THIS was clearly going to be a problem.
What am I supposed to do about past relationships now that I'm married? I mean not all ex-boyfriends suck, right? In fact, what if you shared incredible memories with someone else; memories that linger with you, even as time moves on? When Jamie planted an unexpected kiss on me after school in 6th grade, I thought I was going to hurl all over him! Some things you just can't forget. But what do you do with them?
Somehow I'm sure I’ve already broken some unwritten law that forbids any notion of a man from the past. You know, now that I've taken my "marriage vows" of silence and all. If only I could tuck the feelings away like I did the photo right back into the place I found it. Or even a way to delete these files from my memory and empty the recycle bin.
But is that really fair? I dated some of these men for years; some for even longer than my current marriage. Add them all up, and that's a good portion of my life. Lost in the moments of these relationships, I gave it my all (usually). Occasionally, I was fortunate and the man reciprocated. In retrospect, I have no regrets, but now I'm left with sweet taboo memories that hang about when walking on the beach on a warm, sunny day.
Am I committing "reminiscent adultery"?
What am I supposed to do about past relationships now that I'm married? I mean not all ex-boyfriends suck, right? In fact, what if you shared incredible memories with someone else; memories that linger with you, even as time moves on? When Jamie planted an unexpected kiss on me after school in 6th grade, I thought I was going to hurl all over him! Some things you just can't forget. But what do you do with them?
Somehow I'm sure I’ve already broken some unwritten law that forbids any notion of a man from the past. You know, now that I've taken my "marriage vows" of silence and all. If only I could tuck the feelings away like I did the photo right back into the place I found it. Or even a way to delete these files from my memory and empty the recycle bin.
But is that really fair? I dated some of these men for years; some for even longer than my current marriage. Add them all up, and that's a good portion of my life. Lost in the moments of these relationships, I gave it my all (usually). Occasionally, I was fortunate and the man reciprocated. In retrospect, I have no regrets, but now I'm left with sweet taboo memories that hang about when walking on the beach on a warm, sunny day.
Am I committing "reminiscent adultery"?
2 comments:
Sandy-
I feel the same way... I have more than two exes that I have warm feelings about, my first 'love' so to speak, I not only wish the best for-he had so much untapped potential, so intelligent - just really grew up with no role models or financial support... I actually find myself still worrying about him. All in all, I was lucky enough to have experienced people with really good hearts, and there are no hard feelings on my end or theirs. It's funny though, how many of my friends seem to all have the 'good riddance' mentality when discussing/thinking about their exes. I've always secretly felt priveleged to have good relations and feelings toward my past relationships, but have never really had anyone to confide that to about it. So, thanks for sharing! makes me feel like I am not alone :)
regards,
jen
I just came across your blog today. I have enjoyed reading it. I know exactly how you feel about your ex. I feel the same way about my college boyfriend. I still think of him often. I too only hear people bashing their exes and I just don't get it. I dated mine for over 3 years and we had a lot of good times. It was just a different time. I sometimes feel guilty when I think of him, but you can't erase the past!
I love your writing and honesty! I will definitely check back!
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